Tom Brady’s hypothetical NFL retirement gifts
Longtime New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady wasn’t welcomed to the NFL by cheering masses and an on-stage hug from commissioner Paul Tagliabue — Brady was the 199th pick in 2000 — but he certainly deserves to eventually leave the league like a rock star.
We’re talking about a G.O.A.T. (GOing Away Tour) for the G.O.A.T.
New York Yankees great Derek Jeter got one. In the NBA, Dwyane Wade did a jersey swap tour and the late, great Kobe Bryant got ovations and mementos throughout his last season. Everybody knows the NFL doesn’t do the cheesy-gift, thanks-for-the-memories thing, but wouldn’t it be the perfect way to say goodbye?
One year after celebrating itself with the centennial anniversary, the NFL could continue the party with a Brady bash. No one knows if 2020 will be his last season or even where he will be playing, but he will be taking snaps for some team. As he claimed in his now-famous Super Bowl LIV commercial, “I’m not going anywhere.”
It’s hard to find the right gifts for a guy who already has plenty of jewelry (six Super Bowl rings), a supermodel wife, a super-weird diet and a supersized bank account ($235 million in career earnings), but our NFL Nation crew did some brainstorming and formulated a farewell gift plan for the man who has everything.
Los Angeles Rams: A video camera. To this day, former Rams star Marshall Faulk believes the Patriots illegally taped a walk-through practice during the run-up to Super Bowl XXXVI in New Orleans (the original Patriots controversy). This was 2002, five years before the Patriots were busted for Spygate. The NFL found no evidence of cheating at the Super Bowl, but Faulk continues to spew his conspiracy theory. (FYI, the Rams lost).
Carolina Panthers: A video camera. Different Super Bowl, same suspicion. There are those in the Panthers’ organization who still believe the Patriots taped their practices prior to Super Bowl XXXVIII. Said a team source a few years ago, “Our players came in after that first half and said it was like [the Patriots] were in our huddle. Do I have any tape to prove they cheated? No. But I’m convinced they did it.” (FYI, the Panthers lost).
Cincinnati Bengals: A video camera and a pair of SD cards. After a 2-14 season, the Bengals are entitled to a chuckle or two after the latest videotaping flap involving the Patriots. What will Brady do with three cameras? Maybe he can use them to make his own documentary, the retirement version: “Tom versus All the Time in the World.”
San Francisco 49ers: An adult-sized 49ers uniform in Joe Montana’s No. 16. We might as well start at the beginning, right? Brady grew up near San Francisco and was a huge fan of the 49ers and Montana, whose jersey he once wore for Halloween. The 49ers also can include an apology letter for passing on him nine times in the 2000 draft. Where have you gone, Gio Carmazzi?